Let’s talk about the stages of grief. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I studied them in nursing school, reviewed them when I got divorced and generally found them to be a pretty accurate and helpful bit of knowledge. And then, a family member died. Stages?
In our house it was more like we all went to the amusement park and were all on very different rides. Up and down, round and round, quiet and loud. We were definitely not that family walking together peacefully along a path through stages. We were all a bunch of nuts. Although we love each other, we were dangerously close to coming apart at the seams.
I don’t think we are the only ones. Death is the number one stressor for families. I’ve seen families break under the weight of illness and loss. Funeral directors will tell you the hardest part of their work is dealing with families who are emotionally fragmented.
We all experience grief differently. It’s a singular journey. But you have to get along. If you don’t work it out you risk losing your family, not just the one member who actually died. So, what helped us?
Deep breathing and listening, I mean really listening to understand not just hear. Recognizing anger as an expression of fear. Seeing frenzied activity as a coping mechanism for helplessness. Making room for each other’s ways of expressing love.
Accepting the prayers and the mementos even when the prayers aren’t ours and the memento is not what we would choose for a funeral.
Being tolerant of each other’s needs and expression of their personal grief. Looking for what’s motivating the behavior not just the behavior itself. Being kind and tolerant. Hugging the huggers and giving the non-huggers their space. Letting go of judgment and making room for differences. I mean really, so what if your sister cries loudly? What’s the harm?
The days before a funeral, the time during the arranging of the funeral and weeks following a funeral are not easy. You and your family can come out of it broken or stronger.
www.murdochfuneralhome.com
Since 1847, Murdoch Funeral Homes & Cremation Service has been committed to providing compassionate care and meaningful services that honor the lives of loved ones throughout their community. Their professional and empathetic staff offer funeral, burial, memorial and cremation services, with each service as unique as the life of the person they’re honoring. Through five generations of family ownership, this Iowa funeral home focuses on providing care to families before, during, and after services, offering resources that help them navigate their new journey through grief. Murdoch Funeral Homes & Cremation Service is honored to provide guidance and care to families in need throughout Cedar Rapids, Marion, Manchester, Center Point, Central City, Earlville, Iowa and surrounding communities. Visit murdochfuneralhome.com to learn more.
Planning a funeral in advance is a compassionate and thoughtful choice that may ease emotional and practical burdens for loved ones.
Families in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, often ask which option—cremation or burial—best reflects their wishes when planning a meaningful farewell.
Families in Cedar Rapids often ask what funeral services include and how each part of the process helps them honor a loved one.
Families in Cedar Rapids often ask how preplanning can ease emotional and financial decisions.
Families in Cedar Rapids, IA often wonder what happens during the cremation process.
Families in Cedar Rapids, Iowa often ask what is required from the next of kin when planning burial or cremation arrangements. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), written authorization from the legal next of kin is generally required before any final arrangements can move forward.
Families in Cedar Rapids often wonder why funeral and cremation costs differ from one funeral home to another. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), pricing variations are common nationwide and typically reflect regional operating costs, staffing needs, and the types of services selected.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) 2024 General Price List Study, the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280 as of 2025.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the 2024 national median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is around $8,300, while the median cost for a funeral with cremation is approximately $6,280.
